25 things you don’t know you’re doing that make you look like a douche

Douche is a word that is used to describe someone who has shown themselves to be very brainless in one way or another; thus comparing them to the cleansing product for vaginas. As society continues its downward spiral, I thought that it would be good to point out 25 douchey things that people don’t even know they’re doing. Please recognize them and stop to help society recover.

  1. Shut up about your fantasy team. Oh yeah, you played Steph Curry and Kevin Durant last night? I could care less.
  2. You call people nicknames like “boss” and “champ.” I’d make a bet that you don’t even call your own boss, “boss.” And the only person that should ever be called champ, is “The Champ.”
  3. You have nuts hanging from the back of your truck. Women think you’re compensating. Other guys think you’re a redneck and would love to kick you in them. truck balls douche
  4. You keep the stickers on your hat. I didn’t know you starred in a rap video… good for you!
  5. You brag about not having cable. Whether you’re saving money or just a hipster douche, do what you want; just don’t make me feel guilty for wanting to watch tv.
  6. You grunt while doing arm curls. Seriously dude, check your pants; do you need to wipe?
  7. You take selfies in washrooms. Ever looked deep into a man’s eyes after he’s dropped a deuce? No one wants to see that. bathroom selfie douche
  8. You tip the bare minimum. Have you ever wondered why the waitress seems to always disappear? Well, now you know.
  9. You wear your sunglasses inside—or worse, at night. You’re not part of CSI or a NASCAR driver.
  10. You’re a name-dropper. Hate to tell you, but Walter Gretzky posed for 200 other photos at the hockey game that night and every one of them said the exact same thing as you just did. name dropper douche
  11. You wear sleeveless jerseys to NBA games. I bet you thought coach was gonna put you in?
  12. You keep empty liquor bottles and display them like trophies. You’re not a 16-year old girl.
  13. You text during dates. Have fun sitting on the toilet, watching porn on your iPhone tonight.
  14. You give spoilers without warning. I’ll find out who just got axed on Game of Thrones at my own pace, thank you very much.
  15. You wear a cell-phone holster. Just don’t. You’re not that important.
  16. You make friends watch “this quick, funny video on YouTube”. It’s the longest, un-funniest, piece of shit video on YouTube. Guaranteed.
  17. You sing old indie songs at karaoke. Drunk people don’t want to sing along to The Smiths; they want Journey.
  18. You give unsolicited advice. That’s what Dr. Phil is for.
  19. You Instagram everything you eat. Congratulations, you ate your food cold again because you were too busy photographing it.
  20. You sign your emails with “Cheers”. $50 says you’ve never been to England.
  21. You still call shotgun. Here’s a better idea: buy a car!
  22. You wear the shirt of the band you’re watching. Thanks for the reminder, I didn’t think you liked them still… even though we’re watching them.
  23. You still quote Borat. Let it go. Even Sacha Baron Cohen has moved on.
  24. You buy jeans with holes in them. If you’d bought regularly price pants and I could have ripped them for the markup price.
  25. You take the last slice. You douche. ripped jeans douche


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